it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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