Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
