it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
