On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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