Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
