sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
