i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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