His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
