an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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