East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
