I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
