I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
