take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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