you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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