people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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