If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
