I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
50% drunk capacity currently
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
