how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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