Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize