We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
