Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
