yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
