i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
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I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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