i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
