We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
