i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.