i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.