Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
