We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.