What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I will be naked everywhere
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down