my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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