Apparently you make a good broom.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
