I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
