the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
