i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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