Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
