my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
