sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
