Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
