pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
