I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
