I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
