Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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