no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
