we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize