I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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