he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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