I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
