how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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