I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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