why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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