you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
