The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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