What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
