why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
