we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
