1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
