This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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