I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
