If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
