I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
