the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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