An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
