That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
