I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
